is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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