My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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