I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
