Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just cropdusted the office
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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