If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
