You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
