I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think I sprained my soul last night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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