That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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