I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
