I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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