Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
