did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
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