Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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