I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
