I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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