You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize