yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize