there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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