i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize