He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
