every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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