i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
