My pussy is not your playground.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Can I color on your dick again?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
