I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
