Apparently you make a good broom.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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