I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize