Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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