ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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