My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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