Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
