Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
