every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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