You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
