"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
