After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
