Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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