remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
