too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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