I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
