You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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