vagina is talking i cant
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
