The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
