Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
one might say we're banned from that church
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
