now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
