I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I need to calm my uterus...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
