Sry I called you an 8
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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