We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
