Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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