Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
