I swear she didn't look like that last week.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
