Is it because I queefed?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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