Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
