you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
