you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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