He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
