I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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