At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
