i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
