you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
