you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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