you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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