I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
