You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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