On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Who died my cat blue again?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
